Walking in the Darkness

Walking by faith is not always easy... Although one should wonder why it seems to be so hard. After all, God really has never failed me or forsaken me as he promised in his word. So why is it so seemingly difficult to trust in a God who has never let me down? I am reminded of my middle son Bobby, who seems to live by the clock. Perhaps I should rephrase that, he lives by the food clock. "Mom, what are we having for lunch?" No sooner have we cleared the lunch table and he is ever so gently dropping hints as to what he would like to have for dinner. It never fails, that if we happen to be in the car even remotely close to lunchtime, Bobby is overly anxious to see if I am going to let him starve, or if food is somewhere in the horizon for this precocious eight year old. It usually goes something like this....Moaning from the back of the van... "Oh Mom, I'm staaaarving!" I ignore him. A few seconds later... "My somach hurts so badly!" I continue to ignore him... "Mom, are we eeever going to eat?!" I take a look at my son in the rearview mirror quite annoyed by now. "Bobby, have I ever let you starve? Do you ever go a day without eating? I may not have the menu laid out for you son, but you will eat at some point today, unless you continue to annoy me!" He looks back at me sheepishly, smiling.... "I know Mom, but I'm reaaally hungry!" I give him the evil eye and I hear no more about food for atleast another 15 minutes. I guess I treat God in the same manner. Realistically, I've never starved, and I've always had everything that I've needed. God is my provider, and I don't always put my trust in him, because I want all of the answers right here, right now. Much like my son, I want to see the menu, know when I'm going to be served and am often impatient when I have to wait. The bottom line is that God is able to provide all things, in any situation. While it may feel like I'm walking in the dark at times, it is God's hand who guides me and keeps me from stumbling in the dark, and I know that he is someone that I can trust!

Over the Illness

After six months of sickness thanks to a mean case of mononucleosis, Rob and I are finally well. I don't know how we made it, save the grace of God! It has been a rough six months. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed. The kiddo's were great caring for the little ones while I rested all the while keeping up with their school work. If nothing else, the long illness showed us that we could pull together as a family. Phillip was quick to get up early and get his school work started and finished so that he could have free time later in the day. Bobby was a blessing and on many days would get the little ones up and into the kitchen for breakfast. Phillip also learned how to change diapers, (which he was excited about for about ten minutes!) and iron. I didn't realize how much I actually did for the kids until I was unable to do much of anything for them. It was a true blessing to see how they pulled together to help while I was not feeling well. There were several occasions when the kids made me breakfast in bed. I just can't express how much the cold cereal, fruit and toast meant to me on those mornings when I could barely lift my head off of my pillow. I am amazed by my children and their willingness to serve others. Not that they are not extremely selfish at times, but I'll take what I can get! Either way, I count myself extremely fortunate to be blessed with these wonderful children. The bible is so true. "Children are a blessing from God, blessed is the man whose quiver is full." Perhaps I'm not quoting that exactly, but you get the point. My quiver isn't quite full at four kiddo's, but we're working on it!

Never too old to learn

Here I am blogging for the first time... Amazing. I officially feel old. I just purchased an mp3 player for Phillip for his tenth birthday last week. Gone are the days of the portable walkman. When did I become a grown up? It happened so fast. I remember complaining to my mother that I couldn't "wait to be grown up", because then I could do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I remember the smile on her face, a knowing smile, a smile that I recognize on my own face as I hear my own children recite the same words that fell so easily from my lips. Little did I know then, that being a "grown up" does not give one permission to be irresponsible, for as a wiseman once said "With age comes great responsibility." (I do believe that was from Rugrats...) None the less, I feel old, but it's a good old, a comfortable with my life old, a I wouldn't change one thing about my life good or bad old. Whatever I am, I know that I am deeply and richly blessed by God, and that's enough for me.